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Regarding Insurance Sales Folks
Pigeons
There is a huge pigeon problem in the city - pigeon droppings are everywhere and it is a real mess. The mayor tells his staffers to find a way to get rid of the pigeons forever. Many things are tried, but nothing seems to be able to get rid of the pigeons. Finally the staffers find a "pigeon buster" who guarantees to get rid of the pigeons. The pigeon buster tells the mayor that he will get rid of the pigeons immediately, and that he will wait three weeks to get paid. The fee will be five million dollars - plus one million dollars for each question asked. The mayor agrees. The ;pigeon buster opens up his briefcase, removes a little pink box, and goes off to rid the city of pigeons. Sure enough, the pigeons disappear. They disappear immediately, and they don't come back. Three weeks later the pigeon buster returns to the mayors office to be paid. The mayor hands him a check for six million dollars. The pigeon buster looks at the check and says, "I guess you want to ask me one question." The mayor replies, "Yeah. Do you have another one of those pink boxes that will get rid of all the insurance salesmen?"
The Genius
A super genius goes in to see a doctor. "Doc," the genius says, "I think I'm too smart. I have trouble even communicating with people because we have no common frame of reference. It's ruining my social life. Can anything be done?"
The doctor runs a series of tests on the genius, and indeed finds that he is too smart. He says, "Currently, your IQ is 250, which is vastly superior to an average man. This is why you have trouble communicating. I do have a cure, however. I have a machine that will drain away your intelligence, leaving you with an IQ of 160. You'll still be a genius, but you should lead a normal life as well."
The genius immediately agrees to the treatment, so the doctor straps him into the machine.
Just as the doctor turns on the device, he gets a phone call from his ex-wife. They have a phone conversation for several minutes before the doctor remembers his patient. He runs back, and is shocked when he sees the IQ readout at 75.
The doctor says, "Are you all right?"
The former genius just stares blankly.
The doctor shakes him, saying "Say Something."
The former genius replies, "Can I interest you in a Life Insurance policy?"
Riding the Metroliner
Three producers and three insurance executives were taking the Metroliner train to New York. Before they began, the executives bought three tickets and the producers only one. The executives were glad that their dumb colleagues were going to get caught and thrown off the train. However, when the conductor was approaching their car, all three producers went to the nearest bathroom and squeezed in. The conductor, noticing that somebody was in the bathroom, knocked on the door. A hand came out with a ticket. He punched it and the producers save 2/3 of the ticket price!
On the return trip, the executives decided to use the same strategy. They purchased only one ticket but the producers did not but any tickets!
When the executives saw the conductor they all jammed into the bathroom and when they heard a knock on the door they handed out the ticket. They did not get it back. The producers took it and went into the other bathroom!!!
$146/lb
A traveler wandering on an island inhabited entirely by cannibals comes upon a butcher shop. The shop specialized in human brains differentiated according to source. The sign in the shop read:
Actuary' Brains ... $9/lb
Loss Control Brains ... $12/lb
Underwriters' Brains ... $15/lb
Claims Adjusters' Brains ... $33/lb
Insurance Executives' Brains ... $87/lb
Life Insurance Salesmens' Brains ... $146/lb
Upon reading the sign, the traveler noted, "My those insurance salesmens' brains must be something. To which the butcher replied, "Are you kidding! Do you have any idea how many of them you have to kill to get a pound of brains?!"
Traveling
An insurance salesman, risk manager and a safety director are traveling in the countryside. Weary, they stop at a small country inn. "I only have two rooms, so one of you will have to sleep in the barn," the innkeeper says.
The safety director volunteers to sleep in the barn, goes outside, and the others go to bed.
In a short time they're awakened by a knock. It's the safety director, who says, "There's a cow in that barn. I'm a Hindu, and it would offend my beliefs to sleep next to a sacred animal."
The risk manager says that, OK, he'll sleep in the barn.
The others go back to bed, but soon are awakened by another knock.
It's the risk manager who says, "There's a pig in the barn. I'm Jewish, and cannot sleep next to an unclean animal."
So the insurance salesman is sent to the barn.
It's getting late, the others are very tired and soon fall asleep.
But they're awakened by an even louder knocking. They open the door and are surprised by what they see: It's the cow and the pig!
Professional Characteristics
A man walking along the road in the countryside comes across a shepherd and a huge flock of sheep. He tells the shepherd, "I will bet you $100 against one of your sheep that I can tell you the exact number in this flock."
The shepherd thinks it over; it's a big flock so he takes the bet.
"973" says the man.
The shepherd is astonished, because that is exactly right. Says "OK, I'm a man of my word, take an animal." Man picks one up and begins to walk away.
"Wait," cries the shepherd, "Let me have a chance to get even. Double or nothing that I can guess your exact occupation."
Man say sure. "You are an insurance company national account sales executive." says the shepherd.
"Amazing" replies the man, "You are exactly right! But tell me, how did you deduce that?"
"Well," says the shepherd, " put down my dog and I will tell you."
Monkey Business
Q. What do you get when you cross a monkey with an insurance agent?
A. Nothing, there's some things even a monkey won't do.
Airman Jones
Airman Jones was assigned to the induction center, where he advised new recruits about their government benefits, especially their GI insurance. It wasn't long before Captain Smith noticed that Airman Jones had almost a 100% record for insurance sales, which had never happened before. Rather than ask about this, the Captain stood in the back of the room and listened to Jones' sales pitch.
Jones explained the basics of the GI insurance to the new recruits and then said: "If you have GI Insurance and go into battle and are killed, the government has to ay $200,000 to your beneficiaries. If you don't have GI insurance, and you go into battle and get killed, the government only has to pay a maximum of $6,000."
"Now," he concluded, "which bunch do you think they are going to send into battle first?"
Persistence Pays
"You ought to feel highly honored," said the businessman to the
life insurance agent, "so far today I have had my secretary turn away seven
insurance agents."
"Yes, I know," replied the agent, "I'm them."
This page last updated 03/16/2005
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